Resistance

My partner and I have gone through a lot in our personal lives the past few weeks. One after the other, everything seems to be breaking down around us as we hold onto each other for safety and reassurance. Between work, family, looking for a lost pet, and the fucking election, life does not feel fair right now.

I feel sick from anxiety. I find myself wondering what else could go wrong in a time when I want to be able to focus all of my attention on the state of our society. There’s so much injustice all around us and I want to be on the frontlines working against a presidency that feels a lot more like a religious oligarchy.

Right now, though, my body has nothing left to give.

It feels impossible to worry about what’s going on at home and worry about whether the Supreme Court will strike down marriage equality. It feels impossible to even try to make dinner every day and wonder who the next hashtag and statistic will be as black people are continuously killed by police. I am exhausted.

Nothing feels real anymore, but everything feels important. Prioritizing mental health, home life, work life, and doing my part to fight against a broken political system is impossible. There’s simply too much on our plates to live a healthy and balanced life.

This is what we are dealing with. We are experiencing a collective trauma and being asked to resume our daily lives which are already filled with complication, adversity, and traumas of our own.

I write this not to say “Let’s ignore the political process and focus on ourselves.” I write this to say that as queer people, as people of color, and especially as queer people of color, resuming our daily lives is resistance.

When your government seeks your demise, your joy is resistance. When people who look like you and who grew up in the same hood you did are being targeted by police violence, your flourishing is resistance. When you don’t know not if, but when you will experience a hate crime, taking care of your family is resistance. And when you live a truth that speaks louder and shines brighter than the President of the United States will ever admit, using your voice, calling representatives, and showing up to polls is a revolution.

None of this is fair. No part of this is glamorous or exciting. This process will not wait for you to be in a decent mental space before moving forward. Even so, we must carry on to fight, work, and to love another day.

We must allow ourselves the freedom to recognize that our mere existence is powerful. We have power when we search for a lost pet, we have power when we take on difficulties at work or at home, and we have power when we speak directly to an evil government. It is okay to be afraid, but we must move despite our fear in order to make a tangible difference.

We must live. We must love. We must resist.

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